Sometimes I feel so much like a loser in my own life (like today) and I decided that I should stay awake longer to THINK and realized what actually happened to me.

People said working is hard.
People said studying is hard.
People said being rich is hard.
People said being slim is hard.
People said being beautiful is hard.
People said being in a relationship is hard.
People said breaking up is hard.
People said loneliness is hard.
People said success is hard.
People said Perfect is hard. 

True that.

Everything is hard in life but there's many moments where you think it's really hard and you think 'oh shit I can't make it I can't do // I'm going to fall // I can't live without him/her // I can't make it myself // I cant organize this // so on and so forth- but at the end, you still got thru it, and the most important part- you re alive and breathing now... sometimes when you re lucky and put enough effort- you get SUCCESS.

All of that isnt an issue to me now.. What's bothering me for the whole of... maybe these 5 years is to..
GET AWAY FROM WHAT YOU CALL YOUR COMFORT ZONE/WHAT YOU LOVE.


I have problems in leaving old clothes, old bags, old shoes. I always think WHY THROW THEM WHEN I MIGHT STILL USE THEM SOMEDAY? 

But the truth??

The truth is that I'll never use them again and I will TOTALLY forget their existence afterwards.

 There's one thing that is going to happen to me soon enough for me to start thinking, and it bothers me very much that stitchboi doesnt have the same thinking as me.

I like to plan things ahead because I dont like it when things fall out of my comfort zone. I mean, I don like getting panic over something I shouldnt have been if i were to plan it well.

Unfortunately for stitchboi, it's always 'worry later because you dont know what's going to happen next'

Fine.

I don mind a boyfriend who's reluctant at planning.. I can do the work.
But Excuse me for not taking your unreasonableness for shouting at me when I lay out the schedule of the plan/itinerary for OUR journey.




Believe it or not, this reason itself is enough to fracture this relationship at some point.

 Recently I felt that something has changed. I am not sure whether it was just me being very demanding or it was real that something hasn't been the same.

But time will proves all the difference. Time will proves what's right to do or wrong to take.

Another half a year and the answer will comes.

Sometimes I really hope it was just us being very very comfortable in the relationship, but even if that's the answer, forgive me for not wanting that to continue.


Don get me wrong.. He's still good, caring, loving. But there's lack of something.

Something slipped away in time without us knowing. 
And that's for me to find out if I can take it, or we can find our way back into it.

If not for the unreasonableness, our night wud have finish off with a movie.
Your apology doesn't result in a forgiveness I'm afraid.
What I need is a wake up call. to wake up from what i call a problem

Till then...
I should be more hardworking and do what I am supposed to do... Plus... im definitely planning for a getaway next weekend.

I need to take a .. rest.... fromm.. you....this           
           

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